Finding Hope and Joy in the Season of Empty Nesting

If you have ever dropped a kid off at college, you know the deep sadness, yet deep joy you feel. Here are some ideas on how I’m finding both hope and joy in this new phase of empty nesting!

In this season of change, it’s important to remember that it is OK to be sad and grieve. There is this tension of grief and gratitude…grief in missing your kids living under your roof; and gratitude that they are ready to fly!

I remember when I first told my husband I was grieving, and he said – whoa- grieving!?! Don’t you think that’s too strong a word for what you’re feeling!? And I quickly and unabashedly said “NO!”

I’ve been a mom for almost 20 years. I always knew that’s what I wanted to be. All of the sudden my “job” as mom and identity were somewhat taken away from me. AND- I was in a new state, new home and without friends.

I’d say grief was definitely the most appropriate word for how I was feeling!!

Moving and Empty Nesting- All at the Same Time

We moved to Colorado in July of 2023 after our youngest daughter graduated from high school. The girls both came for a few weeks to help set up their rooms and just have family time. Two weeks later they headed back to Texas to stay with friends and family before moving into The University of Texas in Austin. It was a sweet 2 weeks in Colorado as a family and I’m so grateful for it.

The day I dropped them off at the airport to fly back to Texas (by myself- what was I thinking!!??) I literally cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. I had to pull over to compose myself before driving home. Empty Nesting had officially begun and I was a wreck.

Misplaced Identity

For me, in this new season and move to Denver, God stripped away my identity as a stay at home mom and volunteer. Don’t get me wrong- those are good and very important things!! I had just placed my value in them and had a hard time remembering who I am outside of that world I had lived in for 20 years.

Even though I pray that my husband and our girls will remember that their value and identity does not come from what they do, their performance, or their good works; in my head, and in my heart, I was believing that to be the case.

Ugh.

I was believing that my good works and role as a mom, instead of my identity as a child of God, made me who I am.

How to Grieve with Hope

So I’ve been grieving. Grieving the things I’ve “lost”…

Grieving that my girls no longer need me like they use to need me. Sad that I’m not in Texas where people know me and I know them. Grieving that I’m not serving in places I know and love.

I am remembering that working through my feelings, emotions and thoughts is so very important. Just pretending everything is perfect and great is actually not helpful. Acknowledging this is a hard- BUT BEAUTIFUL- season is so important to move forward!!!

So I’ve written down my thoughts. I’ve shared them with trusted friends. And I’ve prayed…A bunch! The girls leaving and going to college is what I want for them. I don’t want them to live with me forever. (AND-spoiler alert-they don’t want to live with me forever either!!🤪)

They are ready to fly, thrive, grow and ease into adulthood with my help.

And they are!!!!!!!

Scott and I are so very proud of both of our girls! They are doing hard things and doing them really, really well! They are learning how to make doctors appointments, go to the store and advocate for themselves.

Empty Nesting with Hope and Joy

So, here I am. So many changes.

New house, state, relationships and empty nesting for the first time.

But a lot- in fact I dare to say the most important things- have not changed.

I’m married to my one true love who I not only love but really like! We are loving our walks, hikes and trips to visit Steamboat and other mountain towns.

I’m still a mom and have amazing daughters that I get to see, and talk to, a bunch! (Thank you Southwest Airlines!)

My Texas friends are still so dear to me and always will be. We can talk, Marco Polo and visit each other.

When I stop to focus on those things, I have true joy. There is excitement and hope for what the future holds for me, our girls and my marriage. Makes me think of Romans 12:12

Be Joyful In HOPE. Patient in affliction. Faithful in Prayer

My faith hasn’t changed. If anything, I’m leaning into it more in my lonely days. It’s funny how faith typically grows the most in times of hardship and trials.

My desire is to be present where God has me. That’s where this blog comes into play. As I thought about what I want to do in this new phase of life, I decided to start my Instagram and blog. Sharing about hospitality, our home and this adventure on Southern Mountain Girl is very therapeutic for me. Having a creative outlet has been very enjoyable and a really good “distraction.” It has brought me joy and hope.

I am being intentional in how I use my time. It’s fun meeting new people and trying new things. I’m reminding myself that it’s ok to be sad, but not to sit in that sadness- it’s important to process my feelings and then move on.

3 Things That Help Me Empty Nest with Joy and Hope

So in summary, here are three things I do to help me process my grief and live hope and joy.

Number one: I felt all my feelings. I cried, journaled, shared my thoughts with trusted friends and family, and I processed them. However, I did not let myself sit in my grief.

Number two: I wrote down all the things that have not changed in my life. This helped me shift my perspective to one of gratitude and was a tangible reminder of the many blessing I have.

Number three: I focused on all of the good things that come out of empty nesting. My girls were ready to leave and they are thriving as adults. Spending time with my husband and exploring new places is so much fun. I started my blog and little business and most likely would not have done that if I still had kids at home.

I’m finding hope and joy in empty nesting! Thinking about the things that haven’t changed, counting my many blessings, creating and looking forward to this new adventure with my husband by my side brings me true joy.

I hope this has been helpful to you! Empty Nesting is no joke. I still cry each and every time I leave my girls. But-I know it is what is best for them- and me! And I know I will get to talk to them and see them soon.